I.
Donald Trump awoke from a night of unsettling dreams.
He had dreamt he had been eaten by an alligator. He had insisted he be allowed to wade into the swamp, a beautiful calling he did not understand. He did not swim so much as shuffle water away, parting the moss and algae to creep forward slowly into the mangroves. Raw power was waiting for him in the water. He dreamt the water rose above him, and he dreamt that he was eaten.
And then he was himself again.
II.
He was in bed, either waking up or going to sleep. What was he going to do? Something.
Golf.
It was golf. He had a golf game tomorrow. Mar-A-Lago?
He looked around.
Yes, he thought to himself. This is the Mar-A-Lago bedroom. I am playing golf tomorrow.
He was in his Mar-A-Lago bedroom, and he had a game of golf tomorrow.
III.
He dreamt he was a conqueror, in a golden chariot with Nobel laurels. He was the ruler of a great empire, the commander of the largest army in the world. He…he could… he could invade Venezuela!
He shouted it out, and assumed someone would bring it up later.
He could… invade Greenland!
He could… invade…
Invade…
IV.
He snapped out of his thoughts during a meeting, some war thing, and looked around.
He was at a table, with a dozen or so unimportant people. The other people were acting like he was in charge. Good, he thought to himself. He demanded to invade someone. The other people in the room looked confused. He became impatient.
“You!” he said, pointing at someone at random. “I’m going to invade you!” He chased them around the room, stripping his pants and lunging towards them. He would show everyone in the room who was in charge.
He woke up.
V.
Later in the meeting he was reminded of another topic. The meeting people were leaving, and he was tired, but he still wanted to talk and so he pointed to someone at random and said, “I had a dream about you.”
And then they couldn’t leave, and he liked that about them.
But the random person turned around and asked, “Oh? Our golf game?” And then he remembered who the person was, and suddenly he was all smiles. Of course, they played golf together. They were golfers. So he looked for a new topic. “I actually had another dream too. About an alligator. A big one. The biggest.” He looked the appropriate amount of smug. “That’s what you wanna be,” he said. “An alligator.” He knew everything about alligators.
VI.
It was sunny, and there was an alligator on the course. In the distance.
He looked at the alligator.
The alligator did not notice him.
He stopped playing golf for a moment, and stared at it more. It still did not notice him. That was absolutely unacceptable, everyone should know who he was.
He had arrived on course with his entourage. He had already heard the news for today, and it said he was doing great, so they were clearly useless. He screamed “who let this thing in my backyard?” and they scrambled to make a phone call.
He looked back at the alligator.
The gator had opened their eyes.
He was surprised. Somehow, he hadn’t expected the gator to have responded at all. Even though he knew it would, shouting always worked, it still felt unnatural to command its attention. The simple act of being acknowledged created a power difference he couldn’t articulate, some kind of existential pushback he couldn’t shout away. No… not pushback. A pull.
He became exquisitely aware of his body. Every bone, every muscle, every deposit of his fat. He became aware of the taut animal muscle of the alligator. It was beautiful, somehow. A predator, and he respected that.
The alligator returned to the swamp.
The rest of the day was a blur. For him.
VII.
The next day he was thinking about alligators. He said, “people wrestle alligators, you know.” A random person was standing beside him. “I bet I could wrestle an alligator, ” he said. “They look strong, but ya just gotta hold their mouth shut. That’s all there is. Anyone could do it. Not anyone, it’s actually hard for most people, but I could do it.”
He stayed on topic for a while. Eventually, someone suggested watching videos on the internet. He was promised they would find the best videos for him. He spent his day transfixed, watching men grapple lizards on repeat.
VIII.
It was progress, of a kind, for him. He had found a new focus, and he always seemed more alive when he had something new to think about. It was unusual for him, because it was not his enemy. It was one of his kind. His screaming fits would devolve into loops of “They’re not alligators. They’ll never win. They’re not alligators.”
And eventually he would stop, look a random person square in the eye, and say: “I am an alligator.”
Everything else dropped from his mind. The only thing that remained was his mantra. I am an alligator. I am an alligator. I am an alligator.
IX.
In the oval office he turned on a television. An unattractive woman was reporting. He almost changed the channel, before he heard her say “Florida man, eaten by alligator.”
Maybe she wasn’t so bad.
They showed footage of the alligators near the scene. Maybe one of them was the one who did it. He put his hand down his pants.
“Idiot didn’t know how to wrestle alligators,” he thought. “Exactly,” said someone in the room. “It’s amazing they survived so long as a species.”
X.
A handful of logs were floating in the swamp near the green, or at least what appeared to be logs. Useless lizards, he thought.
No one was paying attention to him today. Not the news, not the flunkies. It was time to show them what he was made of. So he started talking.
“You know, people think alligators are dangerous. They’re really not, not if you know what you’re doing. Look.”
He began waddling towards the edge of the green, shouting at the secret service until they let him go. He had to fire two agents, but he could do whatever he wanted.
“Finally,” he thought. “I’m about to be on TV again looking tough, wrestling an alligator.” He focused in.
I am the better alligator. I am the best alligator.
He shuffled into the swamp, the beautiful swamp full of green moss and powerful creatures. As he moved, he became more and more certain this was right, that he belonged with the reptiles. He belonged body against body, writhing and struggling, until he was victorious. He knew how to pin someone down. He shivered, anticipation building.
There was a brief instant where he understood the dangers of alligators. All it took was 800lbs of muscular lizard, with her jaws shut tight. She had the firmest grip he had ever felt.
He saw. He came. And he went.
